Notes

I can see 40 lurking in the landscape and while age is normally relative, I know instinctively (plus having a reminder)I'm officially old. The frightening realization came tonight when I frequented a movie theater for the first time in many years. Due to the monster condition I have (cluster headaches) one of my triggers is watching television and 30 minutes is about the limit lest I tempt the beast. Occasionally there might be an extended viewing allowed but considering the pain of such affliction the prudent action is to limit exposure. If you're thinking how awful this must be, having to watch movies in pieces and consistently take breaks, let me tell you it pales in comparison to the other trigger: alcohol. This one's a surefire screaming, thrashing headache in a bottle. I'm alcohol-free now for approaching 10 years and it's not by choice but rather self-preservation. During this time I've sought the meaning behind it all but come up empty handed every time.

There we were in the theater watching Legend and I had considered asking management to lower the volume. It was so loud as to be disturbing and distracting. The next thought of course was the inspiration for this blog where the harsh reality of age clamped down. There is a conflict though and that is that I thought one's hearing got worse with age, not better. If so, why wasn't the need there to turn the sound up? I shudder to think how annoying it would have been if I were 20!

Giving the dog a bone

The pooches get treats on a regular basis and occasionally they get spoiled with giant knucklebones soaked in that (apparently) tasty concoction. Tonight, after having managed to watch an entire film without flailing about from pain, I decided the gods were smiling and that it was time to whip out the 3 pound dog treats. What a warm reception they got too. Scooter has mastered the sit-n-wag and will sometimes incorporate a front foot patter on the floor, edging his way closer to whatever it is he desires at the moment. Jessie hangs back, looking sheepish, knowing not to get anywhere near Scooter and food, or even food-like substances. These massive bones are wrapped in plastic and have an additional plastic mesh-netting on the outside. Opening them requires a knife, and tests the limits of the dog's patience, which isn't too much to begin with.

The Scoots clamped down on his treat and brought it to the living room carpet in front of the fire. After a few minutes I went over to give him a pet and he froze up, in ready position, and gave out a growl. Shocking. I had a mini-conversation with him about when I rescued him from that bad home, and the all the treats, walks, food, etc. but it clearly fell on deaf ears. Actually, I find it kind of cute that he does the growl and he wouldn't ever bite me. Instead, it lets me know that he's a healthy dog and really likes this gift. Once before I had given him a similar bone that he guarded and prized and I waited for about 10 minutes before walking over. The usual freeze-n-growl started and I immediately snatched the bone from him complete with the typical harangue on being appreciative of your loving home, blah blah. There was no bite, not even a snap. Just a dog intent on getting back this yummy dessert via cuteness manipulation tactics. Took only about 60 seconds to wear me down but the lesson was learned. For both of us.

Chickens & Munitions

It would be of little importance how large your 401K is, your stock portfolio or the Roth if you were unable to access fresh water. Ditto for food. In our immediate future there is a war brewing not for oil and gold, but for the basic necessities of existence. As the world becomes increasingly more populated the demand for food and water grows with it. Supply is finite, and some say even shrinking as arable land is diminishing and evaporation increasing with elevated planetary temperatures. What's a myopic species to do?

In a recent discussion I found, quite by accident, a subject that'll get women flying across a room or launching a heavy projectile in your direction. As a single guy and oft-labeled instigator the temptation to indulge such matters is simply irresistible. The following are some talking points for around the Christmas tree or gathering consisting of predominantly women, so long as you're either well bodily armed or in close proximity to an exit. The subject is whether we should repeal the 19th Amendment. Most of the women won't stir at this general statement simply because they don't know what the 19th said. It's women's suffrage. The right for women to vote in the U.S. And it should be repealed.

Before you go rolling your eyes let me state the logic or reasoning behind such my seemingly chauvinistic position. The founding fathers may or may not have had this idea in mind meaning that they may have deliberately omitted women from voting. Is it because they were all products of the patriarchal times? Maybe. More likely though is the easily defended point that women will opt for security over freedom. And to establish a free society, a Union that can withstand the test of time only freedom-loving individuals can assure its survival. This does not mean that some women aren't freedom-loving but rather that most, particularly the less-educated ones will vote for issues and candidates that will rob the rest of us of our hard-won freedoms for the bogus security they claim that X will provide. I'm reminded of this as I hear idiotic callers to talk shows showing support for Shrillary simply because she's a woman. And that the majority of support for our socialist candidates on the left are women. Don't ya know my baby needs health care and the evil GWB has refused to further fund it? Maternity leave. Use the force of government to compel companies to pay for this pregnant employee while they're home, and not producing. For a fun exercise, please enter some of your own ideas here and have a blast this Holiday season :)

Wallow in the Hollow

That's pretty much the outlook lately. As I sat in my cave for the last month barely communicating with the outside world I was shocked to find that I wasn't alone. Most of my galpals were on the verge of tears for one reason or another and the stressors of work and family have my guy friends grasping for an out. What's going on? (I scream from the top of my lungs) Basically for my part I'm tired of cement. And traffic. And mini-malls and corruption and how nothing is sacred anymore. It's like watching the fall of Rome before our very eyes as hordes of ants travel in 10 simultaneous directions with no real place to go.

I never truly believed in a national/worldwide psychic grip but despair seems to have penetrated the human condition. Look around. As compared to a mere decade ago, how many people do you know that are happy? What's robbing you of your joy? What's robbing all of us of our collective joy and pride in country?

Coultergeist

Much to the chagrin of liberals everywhere a hauntingly articulate bombshell has taken over the nether regions of American political dialogue. Few political pundits these days can perform the verbal gymnastics and media hypnotization as well as Ann Coulter. Does it hurt that she’s got legs that shoot all the way to Heaven? Nopers, not one bit. In addition to being smart and controversial she’s also particularly witty and will draw large crowds hell-bent on having fun at some politician’s expense or, if they’re young, a chance to improve their aim with vegetables and fruit pies. No matter the venue Ann is sure to pull a Madonna and cause the kind of commotion we all relish witnessing.

Her latest foray into choppy waters coincided coincidentally with the launching of her new book “If Democrats Had Any Brains They'd Be Republicans” or so the Germans would have us believe. Throngs of readers rushed to purchase this missive from the blonde Miss as their new political marching orders were available without a drop of political correctness to be found. Some declare that when it comes to written expression this lady’s got some nirvana! While being far from the poster child for right-wing representation she certainly has carved out a niche within the political spectrum consisting of spontaneously erupting new citizen groups such as:

• Blondes for Coulter telling you we told you so!
• Citizens for attractive conservative representation
• Inspiration by Perspiration: Coulter Undressed
• Everyone Behind Ann (Group has some disclaimer)

While some media darlings toe the line of proper etiquette and ideology Miss Coulter has bucked this trendy trend and speaks her mind while simultaneously embodying the feelings of many more ordinary Americans. The Cult of Coulter has arisen from a long apathetic sleep and are now emboldened by the high priestess of unconventional method. Expectations for her continued success are using benchmarks in the form of such momentous events as causing an on-stage coronary by James Carville during debate, the formation of the Electric Slide-like Coulter Dance, whose lyrics purportedly have no mention of the word ‘fag’, and ultimately monitoring the reaction of Bill Clinton after a devilish Coulter wink (pitting Bill’s upper sensitivities to his lower insensitive ones).

The she-devil has been on the scene for some time now with no apparent loss of verbal force. I anticipate continued Republican high expectations with continued Democratic pucker-factors in the stratosphere. Indeed Miss Coulter keep things going, and growing.