Our Younguns

Here's a sampling of creative youthful English activities in action:

1. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

2. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

3. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

4. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

5. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.

6. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

7. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

8. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.

9. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

10. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
had also never met.

11. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
the East River.

12. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,
only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

13. Shots rang out, as shots are won't to do.

14. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
this plan just might work.